Why is England the wettest country?
Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
So the other one could drive!
Q: How does every English joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart English man and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: Why didn't Harry Kane vote for Britain to stay or leave?
A: He can't put a cross in the Box!
Q: What's the difference between England and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Q: How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff?
A: They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel.
England doesn�t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
Q: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A: A Referee. Q: Why was Fabio Capello speeding? A: To get three points.
Q: What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A: Fish and ships
Q: Why were the two whores travelling in London pissed off?
A: Because they found out that Big Ben was a clock!
Q: What time was it when the monster ate the British prime minister?
A: Eight P.M.
Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?
A: Princess Diana never became a queen of England
Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on a cock?
A: A bloke.
Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.
Q: What do pink floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
A: Their first big hit was the wall!
Q: who's the best football player in England?
A: Tom Daley because he dives a lot.
Q: What time does Andy Murray got to bed?
A: Tennish.
Q: What do you call a Scotsman with diarrhea?
A: Bravefart.
Q: Why do the English make better lovers than the Germans?
A: Because English are the only one's who can stay on top for 45 minutes and still come second.
Q: Did you hear about the winner of the English beauty contest?
A: Me neither.
Q: Whats the difference between Cinderella and the England football team?
A: Cinderella wanted to get to the ball
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in England?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does D.I.A.N.A stand for?
A: Died In A Nasty Accident.
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